I've been observing my classmates for a week, this is what i see, and hear
there is this girl that really want to switch seats with the guy that is seating behind me, but his seatmate refuse cuz of those group task. But she ended up seating there anyway. So this girl used to hang with her friend group that consist of what you can say "the pretty girl", but she got a problem with one of them so thats why she wanted to switch seats. Im a bit confused but i cant do anything, its not my problem anyway. But on wednesday, after school ended, it was only me, my seatmate, and one of the smart girl left in our classroom. We decided to talk to her and, surprise, she's also confused on the pretty girl behaviour. We chatted for half an hour until i have to go home, but that conversation kinda open my eyes. You see, in this friend group there is this girl, lets call her Emi. She's the typical spoiled kid that loves to express how she feels. If she feels mad she scream at people and stuff like that. She's always screaming. Emi and her seatmate is the only girl i never speak to, cuz i know she'll never understand about the way i think. Anyway this smart girl said that she doesnt like her at all cuz she's a brat and is really bossy. And that is true lol. From the first time i step in this class i know that she will get hated, but not this slow, LOL. Anyway yeah i think the main problem is from this girl
The next day, when free time. There is this one popular girl that is not a part or the pretty girl friend group and sits infront of me. She is really nice, she's probably in the boys friend group but she is really nice. Okay so me and some of my seatmates (i really need to draw the seating position lol) we having a conversation with her. The smart girl were also there lol, and we were talking about Emi. I dont really listen to what she said cuz we were outside and i dont want to make people sus about our behaviour stuff like that, but from what i heard, she was talking about how she feels Emi is avoiding her and how she wanted to talk about it with her. After that i went inside and wait until school ended. sdjaksjdaljdalsdjsdj lalalala after school ended i was talking to this girl that is a part of the pretty girl friend group, i asked her about the girl that switched seats and the detail of her problem, and im not shocked when she said she doesnt know. She said she tried to ask the other about what happened but all they said was "everything is fine, dont worry", but she knew nothing is fine, so she tried to keep talking to the switched seat girl hoping shes okay and they are stil friends lalalala stuff like that. After that the popular gir came in and gather us around, including me and my seatmates, the smart girl, the one of the pretty girl fg, and this guy that the popular girl trusted, and she told us that she already ask Emi about this avoiding thing and Emi FUCKING CRY LOL, THIS POPULAR GIRL IS NOT EVEN MAD AT HER BUT SHE FUCKING CRIED LOL. She thinks she is a cry baby, i think shes just acting, and i go home
The next day nothing weird happened, but it was really weird cuz nothing happened.
Besides this girl drama stuff, i feel like some of the boys look at me like im weird, i can hear them whispering stuff about how im a dude just because i am a girl with short hair. Im afraid they will make rumours about me, especially after this exam, im afraid of cheating and they will probably be mad cuz i dont want to share answers. I wish nothing bad happened to me
Is it weird that i call my classmates "classmates" or "seatmate" or "the _ girl" "the_ boy"? Cuz i dont considered them as a friend at all..
WHY, IS
shut up, i dont trust you anymore
... i really dont know what to do
OH i got 500 bucks from that theater competition lol
i wish to be one with the stars. To be admired by an innocent girl, just like how i admired all the people that step and act on that stage. oh to be just like them. i became so inspired after watching them perform, even though its a competition. i don't care that i lost on this theater competition, all i care is that i wanted to be just like them, to make someone proud. I want to practice more, but this school stops me from doing that. i wish school didn't exist but that means i will never saw them on that stage.
sorry for not writting anything for the past weeks, this theater competition made me so busy. Fun fact, im actually getting a bit closer with my classmates, we play roblox all the time and we go to the canteen together and i finally feel happy. im also, slowly, acepting the fact that he doesnt want to talk to us again, as a celebration i need a box of mcdonalds nugget, send it to me please.
All i need now is a sleep, and a rest day, away from anything, and let me dream again, just like an innocent child.
To the dumbest person i know (God u have so many online name i dont even know which one is ur real name)
I FUCKING HATE YOU. I HATE YOU SO MUCH. I HATEHATEHATE HATE HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING LIAR I HATE YOU I HATE YOU YOU YOU
ATLEAST SAY GOODBYE?? ATLEAST TELL ME A REASON, I DONT FUCKING CARE IF ITS A DUMB REASON ATLEAST JUST TELL ME SOMETHING BEFORE YOU LEAVE, BEFORE YOU FUCKING BLOCK ME
I KNOW I SOUND SELFISH BUT BRO U CANT LEAVE ME LIKE THAT, PLEASE GIVE ME A REASON, PLEASE. YOU KNOW HOW IMMATURE I AM, I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT OR WHY I HAVE THIS WEIRD MIXED FEELINGS IN MY CHEST. ALL I KNOW THAT THIS FEELINGS BECOME WORSE BECAUSE OF YOU THEMIS, YOU, I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
YOU KNOW YOURE, IDK, YOU ARE LIKE A BIG BROTHER TO ME. YOU ARE THE COOLEST PERSON I MET AND I REALLY REALLY WANT TO MAKE U PROUD OF ME. I OHAOIHFHAOHDIAS IDK IM JUST SO MAD. IM SO MAD BUT I DONT KNOW WHERE TP TAKE IT OUT ON. I DONT EVEN KNOW IF I HATE U OR NOT, IDK IF IM MAD, OR IF IM DISSAPOINTED, OR SAD, OR WHAT, I DONT FUCKING KNOW
....... idk, you were so sad when we last talk. im just worried. what happened to you? is this one of ur lie? did you lie to me? is the big brother that i know is actually fake? idk, idk , i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know im going INSANE every day omg why does the dumbest person that i know make me feel so fucking stupid hdhdjsdkzjdmx,z mjdhufaakjsaufaeoih.
I really dont want to go to school
it sucks, so fucking much. i was sick last week, and i wish im sick rn.
this week is just weird, idk, i feel like im getting closer with my classmates and its a good thing, but idk it just feel forced. They probably think they have a very normal conversation with me but they dont know how awkward it feels to be me. I feel so autistic talking to them, im really not good at small talk. they think im good but ive been observing the way they talk and im just mirroring them. I still cant find someone that is just like my old friendgroup. I know its imposible but idk. I really dont know what i want, or how i feel.
I do know what i want, i want my old life back. I want to go back to middle school, with my real friends. i miss them, i miss my old classmates, i miss my old class, i miss my old teacher, i miss everything. I hate changes. i know im selfish stuff idc, i hate changes and thats the truth. I wish i can runaway from everything. i really hate this new school.
i got sexual harrased by some students. it was thursday and me and myy sitmate are walking to the canteen when this group of boys start calling me. They call me like im a dog, the call me short hair so i can give them attention, but i ignore them, like what everyone told me to. They still doing that when we are going back to class. A boy also cat called me when i was waiting for my mom to pick me up, he was in a truck idk why.
I hate this school
i miss my friends
I feel like a bunch of mitski songs that was forced to be one.
Maybe this is how it feels to grow up, feeling dumb cuz ur teacher cant teach and have to learn everything by yourself. Feeling dumb cuz you dont know what to do in the future and dont know what to be. Feeling dumb cuz you know no one understand how you truly feel. Feeling dumb cuz your friend can actualy runaway from this school and go back to our old school, OUR SCHOOL.
I WILL NEVER BE A STUDENT IN THIS SCHOOL, NEVER, NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVERRRRRR IUGWISAJOIASD EWIUF
i love the internet cuz they are just a bunch of random people that cares more about me. There is this one dude, hes like an older brother to me. I really dont know what happened to him now, and i wish i can talk to him.
Maybe i will kms one day. Maybe i will runaway one day. But rn, the only thing that keeping me sane is the project im working rn. Its a story, of my friend group in a zombie apocalypse. YEAH I FUCKING MISS THE SO MUCH THAT MY NOVEL IS ABOUT THEM. And i have a dream, so that one day we can read this novel together. I want to see their expression, their reaction, again.
I wish my classmates will never know how evil im trully are.
i wish i can be a middle schooler again
THE HOLIDAY IS OVER NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Anyway my friend that lives 1.177,5 km away from me finally come here to spend her holiday with US YIPPIEEE, we had a sleepover at her house (she still has a house here after she moved) for 2 days. We also went to the mall using the bus and IT WAS SO FUNN USING THE BUS OMG I REALLY WANT TO DRAW WHEN WE ALMOST GOT HIT BY A TRUCK WHEN WE ARE TRYING TO CROSS. We spend our time playing with some old classmates from our old school and our old teacher, We love our teacher so much he was the best math teacher in this world. uhh we eat an expired cheese and i cant wait to get a new virus from it (i almost eat an expired pasta that is full of mold but lets not talk about it). Gosh i miss my friends so much, my new classmate is fun ig but they dont really understand my jokes and its making me crazy and i probably look autistic everytime i talk to them cuz i dont really fw the topics they like, especially kpop. Hey i dont hate kpop, i like to listen to it sometime but like im not the type of girl that will idolize their idol like that i mean i do have an idol but i just saw them as a singer and not like a God or a future husband (except Majima i love him). My "friend" said that i will one day melt or fell for those k pop men just like her but like, girl no, they are not my type, we are in high school now and i wont let those kind of things influence me blabadoiahdia.
Is it weird that i felt comfortable more with the theater kids and not with my classmates? Me and the theater kids has nothing in common but idk why i fw them more than i fw my classmates. idk its probably just me, oh btw the theater club is joining a competition. Idk the details about this competition but i really want to join cuz i need experience for college. wish me luck guys, i will force my friend to teach me css cuz i dont understand youtbe tutorial
There is like, how do i say it, religion holiday ig? So no school for 2 weeks, yippie, i guess i can use this time to continue my projects and learn CSS with my friend (even tho yesterday i spent the whole day doomscrolling uhh)
When i saw my husband, Majima, Getting his own game and becoming a PIRATE????, i scream. I have always love the idea of becoming a PIRATE, and seing him becoming a PIRATE just make me so happy for no reason that when i talk about it to my friend i probably look and sound autistic as hell. I should probably make a shrine for him, ill probably do that after i finished decorating the home page GOD SO MANY THINGS TO DO!!
EXAM IS FINALY OVER YAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY
anyway after exam is over, me and my friend decided to go to an escape room to celebrate our friends birthday, it was really fun bro that we wanted to try it again but we have no money :\
btw the salon did me so dirty, my hair is to fucking short now sos
Its exam seasons rn and this stupid school has not teach me anything.
The teachers never come to class, the english teacher can't speak english, the math teacher only sleeps, and the headmaster lied to our parents about having a fucking air conditioner inside the restroom, like wtf?? I never saw an AC inside the restroom for the past 3 months, SOS.
wish me luck guys
Hi guys i dont understand why you want to read this but okay i gues.
okay guys I HATE MY SCHOOL!!!! I HATE IT SO MUCH!! GOD WHY DO I GO TO THIS SCHOOL????
So here is the story, a few months ago i joined theater club with my friend, And this week our school is celebrating its 5th anniversary, so it's obvious that the theatre club will be performing at this event. We spent our time and money on props, practicing, and we were even kick by security for practicing at school until 6pm. We're choosing a horror theme for this performance, and let me tell you that the country i live in is a very, very religious country. We have thought about this carefully, we try not to include ritual elements so that we don't bring in supernatural beings. we have also discussed this with our coach? mentor? smth, and he feels that the story we want to show is okay.
One day left before perfomance day and we are testing our costume, property, and also the stage, and when we go to the back of the stage
Alll of the teachers there we SHOCKED, SO SO SO SHOCKED, i thought they were shocked because of our costumes, BUT NO, THEY DIDN'T KNOW THAT WE ARE PERFORMING A HORROR STORY! I THOUGHT OUR MENTOR? ADVISOR? HAS ALREADY TOLD THE TEACHERS ABOUT THIS????
so after a long discussion, we are not allowed to perform. We are so dissapointed with the school decisions, we are all crying.
There is actually more things that make me hate this school so much that i want to burn it down, but i just cant stop thinking about this, like we are supposed to get to the stage and perform and entertain the students. Its been like 3 days since it happened, and i'm sill disapoinefaondoasdoiahda
anyway can someone teach me about CSS, i really dont understand how to decorate this thing..